There have been plenty of times in our daily chores of life that we are driven by specific mores of life... be it the social norms of the bourgeoisie that we follow thinking that it will help us land a place in the crème de la crème of mankind, or the laws of Mother Earth which we need to abide by, irrespective of our acknowledgement of the same...
Have we ever really, thought of how so many of these buxom promises of life, drain us till the very last drop! These are some toxic ideas that are driving us crazy, and some of which have been very rightly illustrated in the book written by Arnold A Lazarus,Clifford N.Lazarus and Allen Fay called Detox your Mind – 40 toxic ideas that are driving you crazy.
The authors here try to drive home certain ideas, which we hold them as the epitome of life truths. A handful of 40 odd ideas have been thrashed, some of which are worth mentioning and fun to actually ponder on...
Toxic idea #01: RECREATION IS A WASTE OF TIME
What can be the antidotes of this if u may ask! The authors provide various points to choose from:
- People need down time to recharge these batteries
- I deserve have to fun in my life
- Its better to work to live than to live to work
- Time enjoyed is never wasted
- If I don’t enjoy myself now, it may be too late in
the future
2. Toxic idea#37: LIFE SHOULD BE FAIR.
Antidotes:
- Total fairness and happy endings occur often in fairy tales, only occasionally in real life
- It’s bad enough that life is unfair. Why make things worse by insisting upon the impossibility of fairness?
- Unfairness is inevitable; misery about it is optional
- I don’t have to like the fact that life is often unfair, nor do I have to be bitter and discouraged by it
- Life is not fair; but you can take action to make it better
3. Toxic idea#33: AN APOLOGY WIPES THE SLATE CLEAN
Antidotes:
- An apology might help to explain a misdeed, but won’t undo its damage
- Apologies are helpful only if they are sincere
- Apologies are words; corrective actions count more
4. Toxic idea#16: KEEP YOUR FEELINGS TO YOURSELF
Antidotes:
- If I am a mystery to others, I will probably remain a puzzle to myself
- Close personal friendships rest on personal revelations and shared information
- Selective self-disclosure builds intimacy
- Constantly hiding your true feelings from others disconnects you from yourself
- Build trust and intimacy by expressing your feelings
5. Toxic idea#28: IF YOU PLAY, PLAY TO WIN
Antidote:
If you play, play to enjoy, to cooperate, to grow.
6. Toxic idea#26: ITS IMPORTANT TO BE LIKED BY EVERYONE
Antidotes:
- My worth as a human being does not depend on anyone’s approval
- It’s all right for people to disapprove of or dislike me or my ideas or my actions. What's important is that I don’t hurt anyone or exploit others
- It may even be desirable to be disliked by certain people
- I will give to others if I enjoy or love them, or if I gained practical benefits in return, but I will not give to others in order to but their affection or approval
Some people may dislike me because of their own hang-ups, not mine
- Its important to like yourself for who and what you are
7. Toxic idea#17: FIRST IMPRESSIONS TELL YOU WHAT PEOPLE ARE REALLY LIKE
Antidotes:
- I don’t know her very well
- He may have had a bad day when I saw him
- Nobody is the same in all circumstances
- Do I really know the whole story?
- Could there be a problem of which I am unaware?
- Dig for facts rather than jump to conclusions
- Every person is unique; u don’t know what a person is really like unless you have seen him under different circumstances
8. Toxic idea#24: YOUR SPOUSE SHOULD LOVE YOUR PARENTS & FAMILY
Antidotes:
- I will appreciate what my partner does for my family than focus on what he does not do.
- My partner can treat my family with respect. He doesn’t have to love them
9. Toxic idea#09 : ULTIMATUM SETTLES DISPUTES
Antidotes:
- An ultimatum is one sure way of hurting a friendship
- Its best to express desires and wishes without ramming them down anyone’s throat
- Even if others obey ultimatums, they usually resent them and will probably try to retaliate
- People have the right to do as they please, even if I do not like it
- My own children do not exist to live up to my expectations
- Negotiation and compromise settle disputes
The above nine ideas are some which on a very funny note sent me to spree of deja vu. Somewhere while the leisurely perusal, I felt the book illustrating my thoughts and ideas Don’t know if it did for you... but definitely a good idea to read & find out for yourself.
